It Is What It Is

This is a response to the last entry which focuses on the instances when it's necessary to deal with negative past experiences to help one get past certain fears. It occurred to me that some might get the idea that that's all there is. The reality is that factors that might hold one back from doing what they are meant to do can fall into the "It Is What It Is" category.

I use that phrase a lot to describe situations that may not seem quite optimal, but there really is no one to blame or indict. There's no malice involved. It just is what it is.

Part of my personal struggle is in large part influenced by the conflict of world views I deal with on a daily basis.

I live in a western culture that emphasizes the rights of the individual, but I am the son of immigrant parents who come from a culture that emphasizes a holistic/community based world view. Some of the values of these world views are mutually exclusive, yet at any given moment, one set of values *must*prevail, even if it's only for an instant. For me, there's a constant tug of war going on 24/7.  I will assume that the vast majority of readers will come from a western culture, so I will try to give examples of how these world views conflict.

My ethnic culture happens to be Chinese. Everyday language reinforces the idea that you are part of something bigger than yourself. It starts when you greet someone - the greeting you use is determined by your relationship with the other person. If it's family, there's a specific term for each possible relationship, no generic aunt/uncle/grandparent terms, the phrase you use identifies mother's/father's side of the family and the case of aunts and uncles, whether they're older or younger than your parent. even basic greetings such as mr/miss/mrs indicate whether the person is older or younger than you are. The result is that as soon as you meet someone else, your first thought is use the appropriate greeting - you are part of something bigger than yourself, and you are always aware of your relationship to others within that grouping. At a formal family style meal where the food is in the center of the table, you never place food on your own plate - everyone else at the table serves you, while you serve everyone else. This reflects how the community takes care of all its members.

The difference in dynamics can be seen in how consensus is reached in a group. Folks who have a community world view are more likely to acquiesce to what they perceive to be the best choice for the group. That doesn't necessarily mean that they're content with the choice; it's just as likely that the majority are dissatisfied with the choice, but have been manipulated by a dominant individual who wants their own way but has managed to frame the alternative as best for the group.

Current relationships are key in establishing new relationships; you rely on introductions from mutual acquaintances, which often come at a cost achieved by bartering various sorts of gifts and favors. This particular aspect of the community world view is something I personally have had to address as I am currently working in a sales position where I went into the situation expecting warm leads, but ciircumstances changed, and I've been forced to develop my own leads via cold calling. This is not yet a strength of mine, and as it turns out, all of my clients are friends or friends of friends; my natural inclination is to rely of existing relationships to develop new relationships. This is something I will continue to deal with as I begin soliciting donations in earnest.

The point is that part of my "fear" with cold calling is also a product of my cultural conditioning that needs to be examined as much as the fear of rejection. But that part of it is what it is.